The Inner Critic Isn’t Always Right: How to Quiet the Voice That Holds You Back
We all have that voice in our heads.
The one that says:
“You’re not doing enough.”
“You always mess this up.”
“Everyone else is way ahead of you.”
It can sound like a concerned friend, a strict teacher, or a disappointed parent—but it rarely sounds kind.
And here’s the thing: just because that voice is loud, doesn’t mean it’s telling the truth.
Where Does the Inner Critic Come From?
Your inner critic isn’t your enemy. It actually formed to protect you—usually during childhood or stressful times in your life. It developed strategies to keep you safe, accepted, and prepared. But those strategies? They’re outdated.
What used to be self-preservation is now self-sabotage. That critical voice learned to speak up when there was fear of judgment, rejection, or failure. It tried to help by keeping you in line with what others expected—often at the expense of what you needed.
It’s important to remember: your inner critic developed in response to your environment. But you are allowed to outgrow that environment—and the voice that came with it.
Sometimes this voice mimics people from your past—parents, teachers, bullies. Not because you still believe them, but because their voices were the loudest when your identity was forming. The critic operates like an echo chamber from old pain, repeating ideas that once helped you stay safe. But what kept you small then may be keeping you stuck now.
Why It Gets Louder When You're Growing
Ironically, your inner critic tends to speak up when you're doing something courageous.
Starting something new. Breaking an old pattern. Putting yourself out there.
Because growth threatens the familiar, and the critic wants to keep you small—but safe. It equates risk with danger. Even when you're making healthy changes, the critic may panic and pull you back into old habits.
This is why so many people feel resistance during personal development. It’s not because they’re lazy or unmotivated—it’s because change triggers the critic’s alarm bells.
And the more meaningful the change, the louder the critic may become. It's a strange paradox—progress can sometimes feel like regression because you’re confronting long-held fears. But remember: resistance is a sign you're stepping into unfamiliar, expansive territory.
How to Shift Your Self-Talk Without Faking Positivity
You don’t need to drown your inner critic in affirmations. You just need to turn down the volume enough to hear another voice: your wise inner coach.
Try this:
Notice the narrative – Name it: “That’s my critic talking.” Awareness creates distance.
Ask where it’s coming from – Is it fear? Shame? Pressure? What does that voice think it’s protecting you from?
Respond with compassion – “I get why you’re scared. But I’m trying a new way now.”
Create a new script – Something like: “I’m allowed to learn as I go.” Or, “I don’t need to be perfect to be proud.”
You can even write out a dialogue between your critic and your compassionate self. This turns internal chaos into clarity. And slowly, the volume of criticism drops, while your inner coach grows stronger and more supportive.
You Are Not Your Thoughts
Your thoughts are not facts. They’re stories—often outdated ones.
And just like any old story, you get to rewrite it.
The inner critic might always be there—but you don’t have to believe everything it says. You can choose to build a relationship with yourself based on understanding, not judgment.
Growth starts with the way we talk to ourselves. And learning to speak to yourself with encouragement, rather than criticism, might be the most radical shift of all.
Because when your inner dialogue shifts, so does your capacity to show up, try again, and trust yourself.
If this something you want help with, get in touch today to have your free coaching session and see how a coach can help you make a sustainable and life-changing difference.
