Inner Work for People Pleasers
Inner work for people pleasers is not about becoming less kind or less caring.
It’s about becoming more honest, more grounded, and more connected to yourself.
People pleasing is often praised. It looks like being helpful, reliable, easygoing, and considerate. But beneath the surface, it can come at a significant emotional cost—especially for capable, self-aware people who quietly carry too much.
If you identify as a people pleaser, this work isn’t about fixing you.
It’s about understanding what your behaviour has been protecting—and what it’s now costing you.
What Is People Pleasing, Really?
People pleasing is a pattern of prioritising others’ comfort, needs, or approval over your own—often at the expense of your emotional wellbeing.
It can show up as:
Difficulty saying no
Over-explaining your choices
Avoiding conflict
Taking responsibility for others’ emotions
Feeling guilty for having needs
At its core, people pleasing is not about generosity.
It’s about safety.
Why People Pleasing Develops
Most people pleasing behaviours are learned early as adaptive strategies.
You may have learned that:
Harmony meant safety
Being agreeable earned connection
Expressing needs caused tension or withdrawal
Being “low maintenance” was valued
These patterns made sense at the time.
Inner work helps you reassess whether they still serve you now.
The Emotional Cost of People Pleasing
When people pleasing goes unchecked, it often leads to:
Chronic resentment
Emotional exhaustion or burnout
Loss of self-trust
Feeling unseen or misunderstood
Disconnection from your own desires
Over time, you may struggle to know what you actually want—because you’re so practised at adjusting to others.
What Inner Work Looks Like for People Pleasers
Inner work is the process of turning your attention inward with curiosity rather than criticism.
For people pleasers, this often involves:
Exploring the fear underneath saying no
Identifying internalised beliefs about worth and approval
Reconnecting with needs, preferences, and limits
Learning emotional regulation so boundaries feel safer to hold
This work is subtle, layered, and deeply transformative.
Shifting From External Approval to Internal Safety
A key focus of inner work for people pleasers is building internal safety.
Instead of asking:
“Will this disappoint someone?”
You begin asking:
What feels sustainable for me?
What am I actually available for?
What happens if I choose myself here?
As internal safety grows, the need for constant approval naturally softens.
Boundaries Are an Outcome of Inner Work
Many people try to “set boundaries” without addressing the inner dynamics underneath.
For people pleasers, boundaries become easier when:
Guilt is understood rather than fought
Emotional responses are regulated
Self-trust is strengthened
Worth is no longer tied to being needed
Boundaries aren’t just behavioural—they’re relational and emotional.
Reconnecting With Desire and Self-Trust
People pleasing often disconnects you from desire.
Inner work helps you:
Notice what energises or drains you
Reclaim your preferences without justification
Make decisions from alignment rather than obligation
Trust your internal cues again
This reconnection is essential for sustainable growth and fulfilment.
Why Inner Work Is Easier With Support
People pleasing patterns were formed in relationship—and they soften in relationship too.
This is why group coaching is particularly effective for this work.
In a group coaching environment, you:
Practise expressing needs in real time
Witness others navigating similar patterns
Normalise guilt and discomfort
Build confidence through supported reflection
You don’t have to dismantle these patterns alone.
Ready to Do the Inner Work?
If you’re ready to move beyond people pleasing and build self-trust, boundaries, and emotional clarity, I invite you to join my Group Coaching Program.
This program is designed to support deep inner work for people who are capable, caring, and ready to stop abandoning themselves to maintain connection.
Learn more about joining the group coaching program here
Final Thought
People pleasing isn’t a flaw—it’s a strategy that once kept you safe.
Inner work allows you to thank it, understand it, and gently choose something more sustainable.
When you stop performing for connection, you create space for relationships that meet you where you are.
