Most people who contact me aren't sure what a life coach actually does. They've heard the term, maybe seen a few motivational posts, and have a vague sense that coaching could help, but they don't know what happens in a session, whether it works, or how it differs from talking to a friend or a therapist.
This guide answers those questions honestly: what life coaching is, the four areas it most often helps with, what it isn't, what the research says, and how to choose a coach who's genuinely good at it.
What is life coaching?
Life coaching is a structured, collaborative partnership that helps you get clear on what you want, understand what's getting in the way, and take consistent action toward change. A life coach doesn't tell you how to live. They ask the questions, offer structure, notice patterns and keep you accountable, while you remain the expert on your own life.
The International Coaching Federation (ICF) describes coaching in similar terms: a thought-provoking, creative partnership designed to help people reach their personal and professional potential. The emphasis is on the partnership. Good coaching is something you do together, not something that's done to you.
What does a life coach actually do in sessions?
A coaching relationship usually follows a simple rhythm:
A first conversation to explore what's going on, what you'd like to change, and whether coaching is the right fit.
Getting clear on direction. Many coaches start with an assessment of where you are now, such as a life audit, before setting goals.
Regular sessions, often weekly or fortnightly, where you work through what's happening, what's in the way, and what you'll do next.
Action between sessions: small, specific commitments you've chosen yourself, which you review together next time.
Regular check-ins on progress, so you can adjust the plan as you learn more about yourself.
In practice, a lot of the value comes from three things that are hard to do alone: seeing your own patterns clearly, having someone ask the question you've been avoiding, and having a reason to follow through when motivation dips.
The 4 key areas life coaches help you improve
1. Career and work
Your career is a significant part of your life, and genuine satisfaction there usually requires more than ambition. It requires clarity, direction and a realistic plan.
A life coach can help you identify what energises you and match it with real career opportunities. They can help you set goals that are realistic and measurable rather than vague aspirations, and help you navigate workplace challenges or a transition into a new role or industry.
Much of this work is about decisions: learning to make confident choices without endless second-guessing tends to matter more for career clarity than any single piece of career advice (more on that in the art of decision-making). Coaching can also build genuine confidence for interviews, negotiations and public speaking. Not through scripts, but by working through what's actually underneath the hesitation.
2. Personal growth and self-trust
Personal growth is about becoming a more grounded, self-aware version of yourself. It's a lifelong process, not a project with an end date. A coach can help you develop self-awareness and identify the limiting beliefs that quietly shape your decisions.
This often starts with understanding what's actually driving your patterns, rather than trying to will your way past them. Coaching also helps you build habits that align with your values, strengthen decision-making, and gradually grow your capacity to step outside your comfort zone without it feeling like a threat.
Accountability is part of this, but not the pushy kind. The goal is to help you become someone you can rely on, because self-trust is what makes follow-through possible in the first place.
3. Relationships and boundaries
Healthy relationships are the foundation of a fulfilling life, whether with family, friends, colleagues or partners. A life coach can help you communicate more clearly, handle conflict with less fallout, and set boundaries that actually hold rather than dissolving under guilt. Coaching can also support you through major life transitions like a new relationship, a breakup, or becoming a parent.
Much of this work comes down to emotional regulation in the moment. Being able to pause and respond, rather than react, when a conversation gets difficult changes relationship dynamics more reliably than almost any communication technique on its own. (Here are the regulation tools I teach most often.)
4. Health, energy and wellbeing
Physical and mental wellbeing are essential to a balanced life. A life coach supports sustainable change here: building movement, rest and eating habits that fit your real life rather than an idealised one, managing stress with practical tools rather than vague advice to "relax more", and building resilience to cope with setbacks as they come.
This often means taking a nervous-system-aware approach to stress rather than just pushing through it, and learning to prioritise rest without the guilt that usually undermines it. If you're running on empty, these are the signs you're heading toward burnout. Coaches don't replace medical or clinical care, but they can help you build and keep the habits that support it.
What life coaching is not
A lot of the scepticism about coaching comes from misunderstandings about what it is. Coaching is not:
Therapy. Coaches don't diagnose or treat mental health conditions. If you're unsure which you need, I've written a full guide to the difference between a life coach and a therapist.
Advice-giving. A good coach rarely tells you what to do. Solutions you reach yourself are the ones you're most likely to act on.
Motivational hype. Real change is quieter than a pep talk. It's built through clarity, small consistent actions and honest reflection.
Only for people in crisis, or only for executives. Most coaching clients are ordinary people who feel stuck, flat or ready for something different.
A quick fix. Some shifts happen fast, but lasting change usually takes months, not sessions.
Does life coaching actually work?
The research is more encouraging than many people expect:
A 2014 meta-analysis by Tim Theeboom, Bianca Beersma and Annelies van Vianen found coaching had significant positive effects on wellbeing, coping, goal-directed self-regulation and performance.
A 2016 meta-analysis by Rebecca Jones, Stephen Woods and Yves Guillaume found workplace coaching improved a range of outcomes, including skills and performance.
Anthony Grant, who founded the world's first coaching psychology unit at the University of Sydney, found that evidence-based coaching improved goal attainment, wellbeing and hope.
The quality of the coach matters, though. Coaching that's grounded in psychological research tends to produce better outcomes than coaching built on generic motivation. And the relationship itself, feeling genuinely safe and understood, is one of the strongest predictors of whether coaching helps. It's also why I think a human coach still matters in the age of AI.
Are life coaches legit? How to choose a good one
Life coaching isn't regulated in New Zealand, which means anyone can call themselves a life coach. That doesn't make coaching illegitimate, but it does mean you need to choose carefully.
Questions worth asking any coach:
What training or background do you have?
What's your approach, and what research is it based on?
What would you do if something came up that's outside your scope?
Can we have an introductory conversation before I commit?
Red flags to watch for:
guarantees of specific results or timeframes
pressure to sign up to a long, expensive package on the first call
dismissing therapy or medical care as unnecessary
promises that sound more like a sales pitch than a working relationship
A good coach will be clear about what coaching can and can't do, and comfortable telling you if they're not the right fit.
Is life coaching worth it?
Coaching tends to be most worth it when you're generally well but stuck: when you've read the books, know roughly what you "should" do, and still aren't doing it. It's especially useful during transitions, when old ways of doing things no longer fit and the new path isn't clear yet. That in-between space is uncomfortable, but it's also where real change happens.
It's less likely to be worth it if you're hoping someone else will make the change for you, or if you're struggling with your mental health in ways that need clinical support first.
How to get started with a life coach
Get clear on what you want to change. Which of the four areas above feels most pressing right now? What would be different if things improved?
Find a coach whose background fits. Look at their training, their approach and how they talk about their work. Do they sound like someone you could be honest with?
Book an introductory conversation. Most good coaches offer one. Use it to ask your questions and notice how the conversation feels.
Commit to the process. Real change takes time and effort. Stay engaged, be open to feedback, and expect some discomfort along the way. That discomfort is often a sign change is happening, not a sign something's going wrong.
How I work at Soulful Strides
My coaching is grounded in psychology rather than generic motivational frameworks. I hold a Master's in Psychology from Massey University, specialising in resilience, and my work draws on research into motivation, self-trust, emotional regulation and identity change. Much of my work is with people in their 20s and 30s through my Quarter-Life Reset framework, but I coach across all four areas above.
I work with clients one-to-one in Palmerston North and online across New Zealand. The first session is free and no-obligation: a chance to talk through what's going on and see whether coaching is the right fit.
Book your free introductory session with Elise →
You can also read more about working with me, or get in touch if you'd like to ask a question first.
Life coaching questions people ask
What is the difference between a life coach and a mentor?
A mentor shares their own experience and advice from a path they've already walked. A life coach helps you find your own answers through questions, structure and accountability, whatever your path looks like.
How long does life coaching take?
Many people work with a coach for three to six months. You'll often notice early shifts within the first few sessions, but lasting change usually needs consistent work over time.
Can life coaching be done online?
Yes. Online coaching over video is just as effective for most people and makes it easy to work with a coach anywhere in New Zealand.
Do I need to know exactly what I want before starting coaching?
No. Many people come to coaching precisely because they don't know what they want. Getting clear is often the first stage of the work.
Is life coaching the same as therapy?
No. Coaching focuses on goals, direction and action for people who are generally well. Therapy focuses on mental health, healing and treatment.
Elise O'Shea is a life coach based in Palmerston North, New Zealand, with a Master's in Psychology from Massey University specialising in resilience. She works one-to-one with clients in person and online, and is the creator of the Quarter-Life Reset framework.
